Good morning one and all. It has been five full days since my fingers have alighted upon this keyboard in my writers world. For five full days I have created nothing.
I played at the revision of a wonderful true story I have written without my heart being present and the end result is crap. Fortunately, not only have I learnt the great lesson of the avoidance of the delete function but I have also discovered the track changes button.
If I look back at my own participation in the creative writing groups records I have sent many encouraging comments to others complaining of writers block, I hope my words have helped some along the way but I have offered help not understanding the problem. I still do not think I have experienced five days of writers block but rather five days of loss of heart.
Last week I was on fire. My brain or soul or wherever it is that I house my imagination, determination and focus was buzzing, literally, in my head every spare moment I had. I have few spare moments so I was in a state of torture. Sitting at my keyboard every day staring at my screen, performing the tasks of my other self, the breadwinner, using the tools of the real me without the ability to unleash the real me due to the stringent disciplines that I work by.
Yet, I would break from work and drive to the shops to buy the necesities of life, bread and wine, and instantly my head would start bzzzzzzzzzz, ideas, thoughts, plans, characters all tumbling through my brain. Having the radio on full volume only served as a stimulant. Then I would return home riding a cloud, on a high, and sit back at my desk and shut it down.
BANG. Close the door, shut off my brain, soul or whatever it is.
As the treasure trove of the weekend hours approached so my excitement grew, but on Friday night after a full and busy work week with little reward, my time finally my own and the buzzing stopped. I never sat with a blank piece of paper experiencing a block. I simply had no heart to open that piece of paper.
This morning I awoke with resolve I reviewed my comments to others re this situation and I admonished myself for not heeding my own advice. Yet where was my own request for help over the weekend. I could not find it, indeed I could find no meaningful entry on the pages from myself. How dumb is that.
I fell foul of the great Sea of Despair and it is only this morning reading my last blog entry, the one that caused a lot of the buzzing, that I realised I had nearly got out of my depth in the waters. I nearly let myself drown.
You may wonder what my motivation is to drag myself out of the waters this fine day, well that is the good old vice of wanting what others have. I covet the success of others and in particular the success of one of my blogroll members. Kevin Ashman. he is my Kindle mentor.
Last night I was lost in the captivating world of vestal virgins and Emperors, counterbalanced, chapter by chapter, by the contemporary modern young woman who is an expert in the field of ancient coins and is embroiled in the chase to catch a serial killer. The book is entitled Mortuus Virgo and can be found on Kevins blog along with other titles he has written. If you like a good story written in a light and readable tone, I advise you to visit Kevin’s blog and investigate his books further.
This book is, in my humble opinion, well written. It does it’s job of taking the reader away into the author’s world utterly and completely. I am also certain that it will do it’s job of gaining credibility for Kevin Ashman as an author. I am sure this and his other books will lead Kevin to success and more imprtantly I am also sure that I can do the same. Different genre, different stories, but I can do this.
So, I am back. The Sea of Despair crept up on me, it’s waves enticed me deeper and deeper into it’s murky depths, but I am back and there is a lot more to come re my quest and my other worlds.