Lack of sunshine can seriously damage your time keeping.
It is official, it has been confirmed.
The lack of sunlight and warmth whilst celebrating Christmas with the family in Norway seriously affected my time keeping.
I can hear you all crying with exasperation at my undeniable preference for a warm and sultry climate over the wet, windy, cold and snowy but seriously, it is true.
The Citizen watch I wear continuously (and have done for nigh on five years now) stopped working after three or four days of dark grey skies and sleeting, unrelenting rain in Norway. This caused much concern and heartache for me and left me feeling confused and lost in a dark world with no clear visual indication of the time of day. A discussion with a Citizen sales assistant confirmed my innermost private suspicions. My eco-drive watch needs light.
Ergo the watch’s original owner (my late husband and soul mate Den) needed light, laughter and a fair amount of creature comfort in his life. Ergo I, as his designated keeper of said watch, have a duty bound responsibility to his memory to ensure that it, not me personally you understand, live a life full of light, laughter and creature comforts.
Obvious really isn’t it?
Events of the past months had led me into a place of deep reflection and I found myself immersed in the depths of grief in a way I had thought was finished and over for me. The watch giving up the ghost came at a time when it seemed like an omen. I questioned all the work I had done over the past two and a quarter years, my efforts to bring myself up and out of the dark place of grief seemed a sham because here I was lost, lonely and sinking back into the quagmire of darkness. I was questioning everything in my life, my quest to be published AKA Gillswriting had ground to a halt, stuck in the depths of the wilderness. Novel number one being finished and ready for outside comment had resulted in a total shutdown of the Creative Department of my brain. This closure left no note or explanation on the door, no cheery back soon, just a locked door which now looks antiquated and drab with cobwebs and disuse adorning its once active hinges.
My decisions to return to Tanzania and continue building my life there came under fire from WW2 type snipers, bombers and heat seeking (or tender spot seeking) missiles. The carefully orchestrated rent to buy contract on my house in Spain failed to live up to its carefully orchestrated and legally documented completion of sale deadline of 1st December 2015. The attack rained down on me from above and left me cowering in the corners frantically trying to find a foothold back into sanity whilst the door to my personal refuge, the Writer’s World, remained firmly shut.
In the midst of this onslaught my watch, which in my mind is never anything other than Den’s watch, had sent me a message. But how to decipher that message was the challenge.
23 wonderful days with my beautiful family in Norway had grounded me firmly back in the ways of the western world in which we live, I missed the kids and the people back in Tanzania relentlessly but the love and comfort of my family consumed me totally. The ridiculously short daylight hours and the gloomy cold weather did take its toll and I find it amazing that SAD or winter sickness can take hold that quickly but I left Norway with a definite physical craving for sunlight. It took less than week back in Spain for Den’s watch and me to return to our usual hyper efficient time keeping.
My friends, if you are reading this then you are either a true friend, a truly faithful follower that has not given up on me in my absence or someone who has concerns about my writing within these pages. Whichever and whoever you are, I thank you and sign off with no promises. I have yet to find resolution to the many issues but at least I face them with my usual and preferred punctuality and I do believe the door to the Creative Department may have edged open just a crack.
Written January 10th 2016
Today March 9th 2016
My final sentence of above was clearly filled with a juvenile level of hope, as here I am nigh two months later and only just forcing my fingers into the dim slither of daylight behind the door to the Creative Department and forcing it open. BUT here I am and I say a personal hallelujah and give myself a clap on the back. Sometimes you need to raise your right arm, twist your hand back toward yourself, and reach back over your right shoulder and lower it resoundingly in the space between your shoulder blades. Well done girl! Sometimes you just have to give yourself a pat on the back because no one else is going to do it for you.
So here we are folks, four long months since our last meeting and where am I?
Well my friends I can’t give it all away on my first venture back!
Suffice it to say I am back. I think I said a lot on January 10th and so I will leave it at that for now. OH, except to say that I have had some wonderful moments over the past few weeks with wonderful friends in England and guess what? My treasured eco-drive watch was sending the same messages to me from there, hmmmm… Spain, Tanzania…. Clearly my fates are to be dictated by both Den’s watch and my inherent need for vitamin D.