I don’t do anger.

me

I try. I really do try but I cannot sustain anger.

It evaporates on the wind and instead turns to tears and disappointment.

I buy a bottle of wine and intend to drink all of it with the intention of getting drunk in order to vent my feelings and maybe say and do things I don’t have the courage to do normally. wine I know for an absolute fact from my life experiences that alcohol fuels anger but not for me. After one glass it simply tastes futile and I lapse back to the tears and disappointment whilst the bottle remains full.

I don’t do anger and actually I am glad.

images

Yes life deals unfair, tough and hurtful blows.

Yes at times it seems that life and people are  simply out to get you.

Yes sometimes so-called friends can turn on you or abandon you or just plain let you down.

But … for all that I don’t do anger and actually I am kind of glad.

Anger leads to violence and violence leads  to hate.

World without hate

A second, attempted, motor bike drive-by robbery last week created anger in my heart, an anger so fierce it instantly metamorphosed into hate and in that split twenty-second encounter I wanted to pull the kid from the back of the bike and I would have physically attacked him. This second attempt held no compassion, only pure, calculated and heinous intent.

Hate is not an emotion I want to allow into my emotions bank and I resent the two occasions in my life (one as stated above) where others have pushed me so hard that hate has risen in my heart like toxic bile.

 

I don’t do anger and actually I am kind of glad, I like happiness.

happiness

But …

The lack of anger leaves me wallowing in a sea of frustration with the tides of despair softly pulling at my soul because I have no release for my feelings.  disappointment after angerFrustration and disappointment weigh heavily in my heart and all I have is my tears and this…

My words.

I don’t do anger but my characters in my book do commit murder and come to terrible harm.

violence

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One thought on “Anger, Disappointment and Happiness

  1. This is a very personal blog from your heart and it must have been difficult to write. You need something physical to do when you feel like that so you have a release. My mum used to go in the garden and just dig a fresh row in the veggie patch, but you need to find what works for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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